


一窝段子

by Serene_Tranquil_Leant



Category: Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 17:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serene_Tranquil_Leant/pseuds/Serene_Tranquil_Leant
Summary: 旧作重发，The single chapters are the original versions, and the double chapters are the English versions.
Relationships: Humphrey Appleby/Jim Hacker
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

题目1：请描写本命CP带兔耳出镜的场景，形式不限。  
为了拍摄宣传片，十号员工齐齐戴上了兔耳……  
“恕我直言，由于我办公室所在的位置——尽管它与您的咫尺相邻，但我今天不得不强调它们之间些许的不同，以看到其不同所带来的各种方面上的差异，例如职务和工作。顺便说一句，我当然全心全意地支持您本次决定，但基于某些原则看来，我又认为您需要仔细考虑一些各部门之间的平均水平，纵观古今，在这个大的决议内思索一下某些细节工作，尤其是……”  
Hacker听得云里雾里，头上的兔耳仿佛也耷拉下来，疲惫地放下了手中的兔耳头饰。他忽然看见Bernard走进来，毛绒绒的白兔耳朵一动一动，等Bernard一立住，刚讲出“Prime Minister!”Jim猛地站起来，揪了一下那双耳朵。  
Bernard的脸一路红到了耳根，头上的兔耳也变红了。  
“Come on! Humpy!”Jim仍不死心。  
“Prime Minister, not to put too fine a point on it……”  
“Sit down，Please！”  
Humphrey再度落座，当他摆好架势准备继续发表“长篇大论”之时，Jim突然抓起兔耳往他头上一扣，等他反应过来时头上早已多了一对又长又白的耳朵，他的脸和耳朵顿时也红了一大片。

“That is so cute!”Jim还是没能忍住伸手捏了一下，在那一瞬间感受到兔耳的颤抖。  
“I allow you not to show up, but now I announce that you are the person of m… myNo.10.”  
“But……”  
“Well, Bernard! Get changed the lock！”  
“……”  
“Go away, Bernard!”  
Bernard有些迟疑，他转过身来，又回头望了一下两位上司，只见一对兔耳朵稍稍往下缩了，紧接着就有一只手摸了一下兔耳，又搭在了他的肩膀上。  
“You must wear this ears all day today，That’s my final decision, Humphrey！”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”

题目2：请描写本命CP被关小黑屋时的场景，形式不限。请符合和谐标准，不得有口口情节。文字描写不得少于200字，图片作品不得少于一张。  
不知为何，Humphrey和Jim一起上了Death list，而由于人手问题，他们不得不住在一间“安全屋”里……  
“The Special Branch is ridiculous……I’m speechless, That is the end of our civilization, as we know.”  
“That’s wonderful！Humpy！”Jim带着酒晕，瘫坐在床上，看着Humphrey晃进了浴室，一会儿，又穿着金色的中国龙睡衣晃出来。再等他擦亮眼睛瞧清楚时，Humphrey已经把被褥铺好在地板上了。  
“Minister，How do you sleep on the bed, I sleep on the floor?”  
Jim酒劲上头，头晕脑胀，恨不得立刻躺倒在床上，他尽全力脱下衣服和裤子，拉上被子，一会儿，呼噜声充斥着整个房间。  
Humphrey不知道多少年没睡过这么硬的“床”了，再加上Jim如无法启动的摩托车一般的呼噜声，更让他难眠，他把被子的一半垫在自己的身下，又把自己的耳朵盖上。  
还是辗转难眠……  
窗外，闪过一道道光亮，响起一道道雷声，杂乱的雨声彻底将Humphrey拉了起来，他独自走到窗前，忧郁地望着外面的景色……  
第二天，Jim感觉仍旧头疼的厉害，缓过一阵后，慢慢地坐起来，往地上一瞧，Humphrey还躺在床上——这一点也不像他平时，好奇心瞬间涌上了Jim的心头，一路冲到了脑子，轻声呼唤着：“Humphrey! Humphrey!”  
没人应答……  
Jim不禁提高了音量：“Humphrey, you will be late for work.”  
房间里的钟滴答滴答几声后，传来了几声咳嗽，接着是沙哑的声音：“Yes, Minister.”  
题目3：请描写本命CP中受的一方提出反攻“让我在上面做一次吧！”时，攻的反应。要求同题目2。  
“让我在上面做一次吧！”Humphrey突然说道。  
“Why?”  
“Oh please, Prime Minister!” Humphrey的眼睛瞬间充满了水，反着晶亮的光，一副楚楚可怜的样子。  
“At the appropriate juncture. In the fullness of time. When the moment is ripe. When the necessary procedures have been completed. Nothing precipitate, of course……” Jim双手交叉搂住Humphrey的脖子，抱得更紧了。  
第二天早上……  
讨论完了其他事，Jim忽然露出了虎牙：“Humphrey, I have a new idea!”  
“Oh? Good.”  
“I’ve decided to cancel Trident.”  
“Why?”  
“Quid pro quo, you see.”  
“For what?”  
Jim看了一眼Bernard：“Bernard, please close the door.”  
Bernard识相地走了，轻轻掩上大门。  
“你昨晚说要在上面做一次，所以今天我想，只要你同意取消三叉戟，我就同意你在上面做。”  
“But the Trident involves issues of principle.”  
“所以我今晚只能在上面啦！”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”Humphrey面露难色。

题目4：请描写本命CP中攻的一方对受的一方说：“你这个不守妇道的男人！”时，受的回答。要求同题目2。  
“你这个不守妇道的男人！”  
“首相，请允许我问什么是妇道？”  
“作为一个文官，你必须全心全意地服务我和协助我推行政策。”  
“Absolutely, Prime Minister.”  
“但你总是在阻止我推行政策。”  
“No, Prime Minister！I treat you with all my heart and without any selfishness.”  
“Really?我怎么感觉你从来都是在千方百计地阻止我推行政策？你知不知道这样做既违反了文官守则，又违反了妇道。”  
“作为一个卑微且惟命是从的社会公器，不掺杂任何倾向和私心地帮助伟大的politicians制定并圆满地执行政策是我们义不容辞的责任。但与此同时，我们也被赋予了建议的权利，基于我们多年默默无闻地为此耕耘而得出的微不足道的见解。恕我直言，如果没有偏见地帮助您是您所理解的妇道，那么我给您提供意见也属于妇道的范畴。既然如此，我又如何不遵守妇道了？”  
“你觉得你自己很好地遵守了妇道？”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”

题目5：请描写本命CP一夜过后，第二天早起时的场景。要求同题目2。  
太阳从窗帘的缝隙中钻了进来，抚摸着两个人的眼皮，Jim慢悠悠地挪到床边，抬眼看了一下闹钟。  
“Oh my god! I have a PQ today!”他急忙蹦起来，跑到衣架旁边穿衣服。  
床里传出几声咳嗽后，Humphrey渐渐醒过来，他吃力地睁开眼，看到Jim手忙脚乱的样子，带着浓重的鼻音慵懒地问：“May I ask you what happened, Prime Minister?”  
“I have a PQ today.”  
“But today is August 3rd .The House of Commons is in summer recess.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“I think you should take a rest, Prime Minister.”  
“Call me Jim.” Jim放下衣物，坐回了床上。  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”  
一个邪恶的念头突然涌到Jim的脑海里，他重新钻回被窝，搂住Humphrey的腰：“I wouldn’t stop unless you call me Jim.”  
“Yes, my Prime Minister.”  
被子继续起起伏伏，时不时还有喘息声……


	2. Chapter 2

1.To shoot public welfare videos, staff in No.10 put on the rabbit ears.  
“Prime Minister, with my respect, account for the location of my office, although it is close to you, I have to emphasize a little bit different between them today in order to see the differences in various aspects caused by their differences, For example, titles and jobs. By the way, of course, I wholeheartedly support your decision, but based on certain principles, I also think that you need to carefully consider the average level between some departments. Throughout the ages, think about this big resolution Some details work, especially ...”  
Hacker heard the mist in the clouds, and the rabbit ears on his head seemed to be pulled down, and he put down the rabbit ears headdress in exhaustion.  
Suddenly, Hacker caught sight of Bernard coming into the office, and his fluffy white rabbit ears moved. When Bernard stopped, as soon as he said "Prime Minister!" Jim stood up sharply and froze Bernard’s rabbit ears.  
His face went red to the ears, and the rabbit ears on his head turned red.  
Jim still persuaded “Come on, Humpy?”  
“Prime Minister, not to put too fine a point on it……”  
“Sit down，Please！”  
Humphrey sat down again. However, when he prepared to deliver his long speech, Jim suddenly grabbed his head rabbit ears to a deduction. When Humphrey realized, there is a pair of long, white rabbit hears on his head, then his face and ears suddenly turned red.  
“That is so cute!” Jim couldn’t help pinching the rabbit ears, at that moment, he felt the trembling of the rabbit ears.  
“I allow you not to show up, but now I announce that you are the person of m… my No.10.”  
“But……”  
“Well, Bernard! Get changed the lock！”  
“……”  
“Go away, Bernard!”  
Bernard was a little hesitant. He turned around and looked back at the two bosses, only to see that the pair of rabbit ears had shrunk slightly, and then a hand touched the rabbit ears and rested on his shoulder on.  
“You must wear this ear all day today，That’s my final decision, Humphrey！”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”

2.With unknown reason, Humphrey and Jim were on the Death List. But due to lack of manpower, they had to live in the same Safety Home.  
Humphrey said,“The Special Branch is ridiculous……I’m speechless, That is the end of our civilization, as we know.”  
Jim fainted and slumped on the bed, watching Humphrey sway into the bathroom, and then wore it out again in his golden Chinese pajamas. By the time he cleared his eyes, Humphrey had laid the bedding on the floor.  
“Minister，How do you sleep on the bed, I sleep on the floor?”  
Jim got his head up, dizzy, and anxious to lie down on the bed immediately. He tried his utmost to take off his clothes and pants, pulled up the quilt. For a while, the purring sound filled the room.  
Humphrey didn't remember how many years he hadn't slept in such a hard "bed", and Jim's purr like a motorcycle that couldn't be started made it harder for him to sleep. He put half of the quilt under his body, and Cover your ears.  
He was still couldn’t fall asleep.  
Outside the window, a flash of light flashed and a ramble of thunder sounded. Humphrey was completely drowsy without the sound of the rain. He walked to the window alone and looked at the scenery with gloom ...  
The next morning, Jim still had a bad headache, after a moment had awaked, he sat up slowly. He caught sight of the ground, Humphrey was unexpectedly lying. That isn’t his habit. Jim thought.   
Under curiosity, He called softly. “Humphrey! Humphrey!”  
No one answered ...  
Jim couldn't help but raise the volume: "Humphrey, you will be late for work."  
After a few ticks in the room, a few coughs came, followed by a hoarse voice:“Yes, Minister.”

3.“Let me have sex once in the above.” Humphrey said.  
“Why?”  
“Oh please, Prime Minister!” Humphrey's eyes filled with water for a moment, against the bright light, a pitiful look.  
“At the appropriate juncture. In the fullness of time. When the moment is ripe. When the necessary procedures have been completed. Nothing precipitate, of course……”Jim folded his arms around Humphrey's neck and hugged even tighter.  
The next day morning, after discussing other things, Jim showed his teeth, “Humphrey, I have a new idea!”  
“Oh? Good.”  
“I’ve decided to cancel Trident.”  
“Why?”  
“Quid pro quo, you see.”  
“For what?”  
Jim glanced at Bernard, said: “Bernard, please close the door.”  
Bernard walked away, closing the door gently.  
“Humphrey, you said you wanted to have sex in the above last night, so I think as long as you agree to cancel the Trident, I would allow you to do that.”  
“But the Trident involves issues of principle.”  
“So I have to do at the top.”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.” Humphrey said unwillingly.

4.“You man who doesn’t obey woman’s ethics”  
“Prime Minister, allow me to ask, what is the woman’s ethics?”  
“As a civil servant, you must serve me wholeheartedly, and assist me to carry out the policy.”  
“Absolutely, Prime Minister.”  
“But you always prevent me from implementing the policy.”  
“No, Prime Minister！I treat you with all my heart and without any selfishness.”  
“Really？ how do I feel that you are doing everything to you can to prevent my policies to be implemented. That is a violation of both the civil service principle and woman’s ethics.”  
“As your humble and obedient servants, it’s our to help the great politicians to make and carry out the policies satisfactorily without any inclination and selfishness. But at the same time, we have also been given the right to advise, based on the insignificant insights that we have worked on for years in obscurity. With all my respect, if faithfully helping you carry out the policy is the woman’s ethics you mean, it’s also within the scope of my advice. In this case, how can I not follow the woman’s ethics.”  
“You mean you have followed the woman’s ethics.”  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”

5.The sun got in through the gap in the curtains, stroking the eyelids of two people, and Jim slowly moved to the bedside and looked up at the alarm clock.  
“Oh my god! I have a PQ today!” He jumped up in a hurry and ran to the hanger to get dressed.  
After a few coughs in the bed, Humphrey gradually woke up, and he opened his eyes strenuously, seeing Jim's jumbled look, lazily asking with a thick nasal sound.  
“May I ask you what happened, Prime Minister?”  
“I have a PQ today.”  
“But today is August 3rd .The House of Commons is in summer recess.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“I think you should take a rest, Prime Minister.”  
“Call me Jim.” Jim put off the trousers，sat back in the bed.  
“Yes, Prime Minister.”  
An evil thought suddenly came to Jim's mind, and he got back into the bed, holding Humphrey's waist：“I wouldn’t stop unless you call me Jim.”  
“Yes, my Prime Minister.”  
The quilt continues to undulate and wheeze from time to time ...


End file.
